Saturday, July 28, 2012

Love Marriage Vs. Arranged Marriage

In India, Arranged Marriage is a tradition, a culture. In many families here it is the only way to oath a solid future for their children. and love marriages are considered against social laws in India. Most parents think it as rebellion against themselves if any of their children is against arranged marriage or wants love marriage. In Arranged marriages, when parents do find that 'right' partner for their son/daughter, they would ensure that there is a match between families, social and economic status are similar, background/character check is done, education is compatible, and of course, the girl is 5ft 6inches tall, very fair (on the cusp of being white), and can compete with United Colors of Benetton in terms of embroidery.

In arranged marriages their is no dating or having time to know each other. When a person plans to spend the rest of his/her life with someone, it is important to know the person well. This way the couples will have a better life after marriage. It takes time to love, to understand their personality, and to trust that person. If their relationship goes well, it will end up in marriage, but if not, they might want to separate, which is impossible in an arranged marriage. Arranged marriage provides very little time for couples to know each other. Thus the start of a relationship of trust becomes impossible and all that couples can do is have a blind faith in their parents choice. But love marriages provides many openings for two people to know each other well before they marry. And if they are not compatible, they can always leave the relationship and move on.

In an arranged marriage, love takes a second place instead of taking the first priority. The parents believe marriage comes first, and then comes love.  An arranged marriage is not based on true love because the parents chose that person for their children so that both parents can have a strong relationship or business relationship with the other family. When marriages are arranged by family members or someone else beside the person who’s getting married, it is possible that the couple’s life will end up unhappy because these two couples do not know each other; even these two couples do not have a feeling towards one another. On the other hand, the couples could disagree with what they want it could be personality or outlook. In addition, after marriage, if the couple cannot understand each other they cannot divorce because it is not the couple’s choice. It is all about family, business, and religious marriage. If the couple’s divorce, it will be shame on their family.  The couples have to keep the marriage going on no matter whether they want to keep their relationship or not because it’s arranged marriage. Couples in arranged marriage fully understand  that breaking the bond is tantamount to a revocation of a verbal vow between two families to share assets or to form a stronger clan. A husband or wife who seeks to separate is rebelling against the family's wishes and causing dishonor to fall upon the elders or those authoritative figures responsible for contracting the marriage.

The only benefit that I see in arranged marriages is that if the couples have some problems among themselves then both of their families help them patch them up and even support them economically. Arranged marriages are always supported by the society and everyone else in India. Also the chance of getting a divorce is less because if the couple divorces, there will be problems between the two families, and nobody wants to have those problems between the two families, so the only choice they have is to keep their marriage going. So, arranged marriages put a certain pressure on the couples due to which their might be compromises among the couples themselves. And if it is a family that goes by male domination then its the girl that suffers the most. And in this country their is no one that would support a woman in distress against her in-laws, a social issue indeed.

Nobody wants to let anybody control their life because all human being have the right to make their own choice in their own life. One of my friends once said to me, "Arranged marriage is such a funny concept..... all your life you are taught not to speak to strangers and suddenly you are asked to sleep with one!" I believe in true love; love is all about the relationship between two hearts not the relationship between two families, so I am not compatible with an arranged marriage even though it is all about family choice.  Having arranged marriage does not mean the couple will stay happy throughout life. Neither does love marriage ensure happiness throughout life but at least the two involved will not blame their parents for all that went bad. Parents should not control their children's life because anyone in his/her marriage age is not a child but an adult and has all the intelligence and knowledge to lead his life and choose his partner. They should sit down and discuss with their children what they want for themselves. Parents can suggest, recommend, advice and encourage but the end decision of choice should solely be of the individual. The purpose of arranged marriage is to obtain a secure connection between the couples’ family with similar interests, however, the right of choosing a life partner should be given to the person. The freedom to choose – whether it be your partner, your career or your place in this world – is one of the greatest gifts that can be given.